Ben T & Me: My Personal Experience with Vedic Meditation
6 months ago if you had asked me what I “thought about meditation”, I wouldn't know what to say. I had honestly never thought about meditation because I had never been exposed to it, not even indirectly; so why would I know, or want to know, what to think of meditation? Not particularly interested in the overall subject matter, I didn't have the desire to learn more. My life was fine without meditation, so I would quickly resolve that there was no need to have yet another item on my seemingly ever-growing self care to do list. “Another gimmick for a good life”, I would’ve thought to myself at the time.
6 months ago if you had also asked me if “I ever thought I would try meditation”, I probably would have told you “Eh, I’d like to one day, but honestly, I probably never will.” A self-admitted sucker for celebrity gossip and privy to the latest health & wellness trends, I would’ve said I would like to try meditation, because it seemed like something the rich and famous do; i.e. something you might practice if you had all the time and money in the world. “Must be nice,” I would think, dismissing the thought without further regard.
So why is it that 2 months ago I found myself in a 500-square-foot meditation studio in Midtown, Manhattan, absolutely desperate to learn the practice? Still knowing nothing about meditation, I was heart-strikingly convinced that I needed it.
So how did we get here? Let’s backtrack a bit…
4 years ago, when I was trying SoulCycle classes for the first time, I never expected to feel such a strong connection with one instructor, that I, a young summer intern living in NYC, would be peeling myself out of bed at 4:30am to ride the subway from Alphabet City to the Upper East Side solely to take one of their classes. Least of all, I did not expect to do this a few times a week. You can’t predict connections, but you can feel them, and I just knew that making it to Ben Turshen’s 6:00am SoulCycle classes resonated with me in such a physical and spiritual way; a way in which I still cannot put into words to this day.
*Side Note: In our first class, Ben Turshen yelled (putting it nicely) at my twin sister, Chelsea, and I to “PUT THE TOWELS DOWN!” And as we gasped for air, feeling like fat hamsters on the spinning wheels of our bikes, we looked at each other and laughed, as we both knew we had then found our new favorite instructor, the one that would keep us coming back to tap it back.
about 1 year ago, Ben Turshen announced he was leaving SoulCycle. Despite my twin sister and I taking dozens of classes with him, not once did we ever introduce ourselves to “Ben T” (as we knew him from his sign-up sheet). In the years that Chelsea and I rode with Ben, we felt part of a class community, and as we were going through our own personal journeys, we also became a part of Ben’s journey, and rode with him on his engagement ride, and felt intense rage that he dare take a 3 week honeymoon, just enough time for us to get out of shape while we were without him in NYC. I even thanked Ben for helping me achieve the goal of gaining one singular ab. Of course my gratitude never made it to his ear, as it was only expressed with the above obnoxious, yet obligatory bikini picture that I posted on social media during a short stay in Miami.
Again, despite feeling as though we were a part of his life, my sister and I never once spoke to or introduced ourselves to Ben Turshen over our 3 years together. However, the news of him leaving the stationery bike, just 7 weeks after I had achieved my one single ab, was a heartbreaking blow. In this time, I did as any good SoulFan would do, and stalked his social media to see where he was going next.
“Wtf is Vedic Meditation?!” I said aloud to my sister, upon announcing the news to her. We shared a laugh thinking about when our beloved, tough trainer Ben became such a “softie”. Shortly after his departure, the Huffington Post released an article entitled “Anxiety Ruled This Lawyer’s Life. Until He Tried Meditation.”
Having battled anxiety, and OCD myself, it’s always been difficult for me to keep these internal struggles at bay, and I was fortunate enough to avoid medication by having the wonderful support of a therapist and of my family. The link for the Huffington Post article is in the text above, and I highly encourage you to read, as it is very interesting and shed light on how Ben Turshen left the “rat race” in pursuit of a more positive path. At that time I thought the article was just “interesting”and wished Ben the best of luck while closing the article out of my browser. Little did I know this article would come to change my life many months down the road.
6 months ago, my father, my best friend, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. We spoke to each other on the phone twice a day, every single day - on my way to and from my then job in Corporate America. A week before my father became ill, I had officially left my former position to start my own company, this company - Silver Lining Socialite. My dad had also founded his own business and was so proud to see his daughter take the same path in leaving a corporate job to pursue the life of an entrepreneur. Aside from the desire to ask him more questions and get to know him better from a business perspective, I felt like a rug had been pulled out from underneath me, that I was suddenly no longer grounded, just suspended mid-air in limbo, unsure of what to do, and how to do it. I felt like I no longer knew anything anymore, least of all myself.
Needless to say, during this time the anxiety I had always done my best to manage, had escalated from maintained, to crippling, to debilitating, before it ultimately became paralyzing. The easiest of tasks would create an immense amount of internal stress and suddenly answering even the easiest of emails became a challenge. I got to the point where I would stress out so much about the day ahead of me: starting my own business, setting my dad’s affairs, etc. that I wouldn't actually accomplish anything of value or anything at all by the day’s end. Convincing myself that tomorrow would “be a better day”, I lived this vicious cycle for 4 months. It wasn’t long until I felt a bottleneck within my own body as my procrastination turned into lack of productivity, allowing self-loathing to fill the deep internal void left with by dad’s passing. I cried to my therapist, and to my psychiatrist, exclaiming how I so badly wanted to be better to feel better, but I genuinely didn't know how to. Ultimately it was decided that I would go on prescription medication, but already prescribed Adderall to deal with the intense demand of inheriting my dad’s business and settling his affairs in 2 states, different from the one I currently reside in, I just didn't want my prescriptions to become permanent. “I already don't know who I am anymore, and I don't want to not know who I am without drugs.” I thought to myself. Not knowing where else to turn, I took my medications, but felt like I was living my life by the hour.
I’d find myself groggy and unable to fully wake up after an Ambien’s night sleep, so I’d take my Adderall, which I overused due to the many sleepless nights my sister and I spent working on my dad’s business (for which he left no contingency plan), planning his services, and settling his affairs, etc. Anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications soon made the list as well as I struggled to manage my feelings, without ever truly feeling them. I was on prescription auto-pilot. I still take medication and don’t advocate against prescription drugs, I think they can be very helpful, but I was at a point in my life where I was scared I was losing the will to self-help vs. self-medicate.
This isn't a pity party or a riot against prescription drugs, it’s simply just background on what was going on at this time in my life, and to put it bluntly, I was terrified of becoming addicted to prescription drugs, because I already saw myself going that down that path, and was increasingly losing the strength to fight that battle. I felt myself falling into a dark hole, not knowing who or what to grab on to, and losing the strength to hold my hand out for help with each day’s passing.
4 months ago, I signed up for one of Ben Turshen’s Introduction to Vedic Meditation sessions, but cancelled at the last minute in a panic, a victim of my own inhibitions.
2 months ago, I sat anxiously shaking in Ben Turshen’s meditation studio, tears welling in my eyes, just so damn desperate to get better. While I went solo, I did pass along registration information to my sister, and on my way back from the bathroom I heard her saying to Ben, “…we used to take your SoulCycle classes! Oh my gosh, yeah, we were obsessed with you, Alana especially! You yelled at us once to put our towels down…” My face beet red with embarrassment while walking down the hallway, I couldn't help but very quietly mutter to myself “Fuck you Chelsea!” with half a mind to just take the elevator down and leave my shoes in the room behind me, along with my dignity. However, I entered that room and finally introduced myself to Ben Turshen.
Much to my surprise, Ben seemed genuinely happy to see my sister and I in his introduction session. We shared a few SoulCycle jokes and he pointed out that his former SoulCycle students frequented his classes, and one student even provided these beautiful gold paintings that are currently hanging on the back wall of his meditation studio.
There were about 7 other students in attendance that evening, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt welcome and I felt normal. In this room, I wasn’t just “the girl with the dead dad”, and I felt a rush of my former self flooding back to me. There’s something humbling and beautiful about sitting in a room with people that just want to better themselves by learning an ancient practice, without any judgment as to why they are interested in learning it. And so we all sat attentively listening to Ben explain a brief history of Vedic Meditation and how he came to practice along with his own personal experiences and struggles with anxiety and medication.
The 5 adjectives I would use to describe Ben Turshen are:
1. Knowledgable
Ben knows the thought processes and chemicals in our bodies and relates this science in a pragmatic way to practicing meditation. Listening to him talk is like listening to a scientist! He is just so damn intelligent on the intricacies of our bodies and our lives in a way that I was not familiar with, yet he presented it in such a way where I was not intimidated by this information.
2. Relatable
Ben speaks a lot of his personal experiences and his honesty is nothing more than purely refreshing. Ben admitted in one session that on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being “absolutely miserable, that you really hate being on this Earth”, and 10 being “very happy, happiest you could be”, he spent most of his earlier time in NYC operating “around a 3”. Before he provided his own answer, I internalized that a 3 would probably be my number at that time. It only took a matter of milliseconds before I resolved that he would never say below 5 and that I was truly alone in my own despair. Because happiness is relative to each person, I didn't care how or why Ben felt at that same number 3 that I was currently sitting at on the scale, it just meant something to me that now everyday he operates “between an 8 and a 9”. There was finally some hope.
3. Genuine
I think what Ben emphasized the most during this introduction session was the “lifelong support” as part of your meditation membership. Unlike apps or online meditation tools, with Ben, “what you see is what you get”, and you’re getting it for the rest of your life. Ben encourages and accepts phone calls, emails, texts, and holds weekly office hours for discussion or check in on anything about your practice. I’ve heard all too many stories from those who have tried other, digital based meditation guides, and I personally do not know anyone who still uses these tools consistently. The membership fees of Vedic Meditation at Ben’s studio are an investment, yes, but realize that Ben is also making an investment in you, an investment for you to grow and to get better. For someone like me, that is exactly what I needed, and is exactly what I received.
4. Admirable
Ben is basically the poster-child for meditation motivation (in my mind at least). An entrepreneur himself, Ben left his job as a corporate lawyer to found his own Vedic Meditation studio in NYC with the mission of helping other people. He genuinely just wants to see the world be a better place, and to spread mindfulness so people start caring more , not only about themselves but also others. I teared up in the studio then, and could honestly cry right now thinking of when he said those words about helping people. I too wanted Silver Lining Socialite to serve as a relatable voice to those who feel like they didn't have one, or who are going through their own struggles. But it’s hard. Being an entrepreneur is hard, leaving a path of good and stable money is hard, it’s all hard, but seeing Ben up there speaking and listening to how truly happy he is now, and how unhappy he once was, is inspiring because again it gives hope.
5. Realistic
In NYC especially, the world seems to move a mile a minute and some days it may feel as though the day is over before you even realized you turned your computer on, your half drunk coffee from the morning, now cold on your desk. Meditation is a lifestyle, not a luxury. Ben Turshen’s Vedic Meditation is practiced twice daily for 20 minutes at a time. Of course there are preferred times to practice, but it’s just doing the best you can. As long as you meditate twice daily, even if it’s just for 10 minutes at a time, then you are on the right path. I know we tend to say things like “I have no time,” etc, but I just think its absurd that we assume we don't have 40 mins total out of our day to take for ourselves, just to sit back, and to clear our mind. We may not “have the time” but we need to take the time, we all deserve it, and we owe it to ourselves to take this time for ourselves. If not for ourselves, then we need to take the time to ensure those we come into contact with see our inner best version.
There is a poster hanging in Ben’s studio that reads:
"You deserve the best.
Never feel unworthy or not justified in having the best.
I tell you, this is your heritage; but, you have to accept it.
You have to expect it; you have to claim it.
To do so is not demanding too much.”
Swami Brahmananda Saraswati
I will let that quote echo as a a resounding sign off to this piece. If you wish to make yourself better, then you will, but don’t hinder your own growth because you do not think you are worth the time and energy in making yourself better, because you absolutely are.
I still battle my demons everyday, and I am in no way shape or form, perfect, and neither is my meditation practice. What I can tell you is that this stuff works for me on most days, and on the days when it does not, I seek group meditation sessions and office hours with Ben to work on myself because I still want to be better. With meditation, I like to take the attitude of “perfect your practice” vs. “practice makes perfect.”
I am currently not off my medications, nor am I ready to be. I just know that everyday I am working towards finding myself, and finding my way, and one day I will wake up and I will be there. I choose to seek happiness, so I will find happiness. I shutter to think where I would be had I not found Ben Turshen’s Vedic Meditation studio. Scary as its the case where things could have been so drastically different for me. I am still anxious and battle my anxiety everyday, but I am so grateful I made a turn off that dark path in which I was heading towards before, Ben guiding me towards the right way.
For more information on Ben Turshen meditation please visit his website.